The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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