Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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