dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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