DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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