I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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