I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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