There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
