After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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