i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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