Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
