rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
