I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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