just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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