WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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