in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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