I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize