Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
