you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
