I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
