i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
