I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
