Slut skills are useful in every country.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
