he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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