sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
