3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize