four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
