everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
