I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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