weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
