you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
