He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
