I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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