At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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