All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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