I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
