you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
