Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
