well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
