you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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