we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
