i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
