Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
