is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
