I accidentally burped into my bong.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
