i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize