i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
