Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
