so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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