You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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