That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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