Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
