Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
