put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
worst night to have a conscience
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize