Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
