So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize