Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
