you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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