I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize