I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
