You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
