I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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