I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
