Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
