Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
