fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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