i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
