Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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