Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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