Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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