So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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