My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
