I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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