y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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