I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
