It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
