At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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