You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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