Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
