I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
