Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
