I am in a vortex of obligation.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
