I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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