God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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