Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
