Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize