Don't make out with my wife yet
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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