Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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