it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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