We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
