hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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