he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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