i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
