I'm really into asian looking animals
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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