what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
