Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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