She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
