just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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