It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
