I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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