i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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