i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
