What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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