Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize