pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
bring money and cleavage
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
