sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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