Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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