Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
