never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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