Don't you send me to vm
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
