I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
