you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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