mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize