Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
