jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
