Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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