He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
