so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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