I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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